It's just life

I have had a week that has been a struggle.  I haven't been feel really well all week.  I know these days are going to happen.  I still don't like it when it does.  I have been just pushing my way through.  I struggled with the idea that i can't handle things on my own like i use to.  For the first time in my life i have to admit that i need someone or others to help me.  This isn't easy for me to say or to admit. 

I have talked with my good friends and my therapist about some of the issues that i have been having this week.  The thyroid illness is causing the tiredness, the muscle aches, and the brain fog.  I still know that i have to talk about how this is making me feel and affecting me.  I struggled with being emotional yesterday for some reason.  That could also be the thyroid and it could just be life.

Life has not been kind lately.  I have lost my trust in others.  Which does make it more difficult to ask others for help or to maybe find a person i do trust.  I have only felt safe twice in my life and have only trusted one person fully.  I remember feeling safe when i was little and my father would take care of me.  The other person i felt safe with was also the only person i fully trusted.  My therapist asked me why it was that i felt that way with these people.  It was easy to answer.  I felt genuinely loved and i felt that i could talk about anything.  Both people are lost to me now.  This is probably the biggest obstacle that i'm working on. 

I have many things i need to get through this week.  I have planned many things for myself to get out and about.  I have looked into a trip, looked into some schools, and looked into a new car.  I will keep myself busy as well as take time to rest.  Life isn't easy, but it is worth it.  I deserve more and i will get more.  I will have that life i have dreamed of. 

“You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.” ― George Lorimer