Haven't posted in far to long

     Life took over for awhile.  I have had quite a year.  I have over came many things and i'm still working on many others.  I have done some growing this year and i plan on growing even more.

     Let's do a recap of the year.  January i lost someone that was a good friend and most of the time a good partner.  February i removed someone from my home that was bringing me down for far to long.  March my lost friend was totally out of my life and i finally was willing to allow myself to move on.  April found out that my lost friend had been pulling the wool over my eyes for months.  It was heart breaking.  It had been the first time in my life that i had allowed someone into my heart other then my children.  I ended up in the hospital with a major anxiety attack.  I look back and see it as a good thing. I allowed myself to open my heart big enough to be hurt and survived.  I also found these lumps on my neck that hurt and had been there.  It started out a few months before and i just thought it was acne.  Found out that it was folliculitis.  I went through two rounds of antibotics to get rid of it.  Have a few scars on my neck to remind me of it, other then that it's gone.  In May i was having a lot of pain in my lower  abdominal.  I went in for tests and the found nothing.  I had also found a lump in my left breast.  Had a mammogram and a ultrasound they said it was just a cyst.  They said they could remove it or just wait.  I decided to wait.  It is still there but it hasn't gotten any bigger.  June i went back for my scheduled pap because of the hpv they had found last November.  December last year they did a biopsy and wasn't concerned.   Well now they found that it had progressed so in July had another biopsy. This time they became concerned.  I ended up having surgery to remove a third of my cervix to get rid of all the cancer cells.  I was told they got it all, but would have to have paps every 6 months.  So, thinking that would take care of the pain i was having i went on as usual.  September i collapsed at work from pain in my abdomen.  I went to the hospital and was told i had 4 kidney stones.  Had been kidney stone free for 7 years.  Two weeks later i had surgery to remove them. I had surgery on Tuesday and back to work on Wednesday.  I can say i have no more pain in my abdomen now. lol October i went in for testing for chronic fatigue cause i was wanting to sleep a lot again and didn't feel rested when i did.  I knew that my thyroid was stable so my doctor thought this was the way to go cause of my sister and aunt.  Found out that i had mono a year or so ago.  It wasn't caught because everything was always blamed on my thyroid.  I was told that after someone has mono you can have affects of it show up off and on for months to years after.  It has gotten better.  November has just been different.  The year isn't over, but i'm sure it will be interesting no matter what happens.

     The year has been a struggle money wise and i have been doing my best to get things more stable.  It hasn't been easy and i had to give up on some of my dreams i had for myself this year.  With child support not an option at this time i have had to get really creative in the money area.  It's just another chapter in life.

     So, with all that has taken place this year i am still excited to see what 2011 has in store for me.  I believe it will be a good year.  I just have one hope for myself next year and that's to have someone to share it with.

“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?” Unknown

Change isn't such a scary thing

I have been through a lot of changes in the last 6 months.  I struggled with depression, kicked my ex out of my house, lost someone in my life, did a lot of work on my house, have my thyroid illness under control, lost weight i had struggled with, and was humiliated by someone i cared a lot about.  I'm still standing after all of that.  It may not seem like a lot, but i have to say it wasn't easy. 

I had to change a lot of my thinking.  I had to decided to take my illness more serious.  I went to the doctor and made them run more test.  Change some of my medication so that i would feel better.  I worked on losing weight which helped  with my illness as well.  My ex being out of my house also helped with the illness.  Stress can make it worse and him being gone has taken a lot of stress off me.  Him being gone also got me working on the house again and that took stress off too.

I go to therapy once a week.  The therapy has helped me with the understanding of the thyroid illness.  We talk about it and how i won't let it take over my life.  I allowed it to rule my life for far to long and it hurt far to much in my life.  So, this goes to show change isn't always scary it sometimes for the best.

The biggest change of all is my attitude towards myself and others.  I stopped believing in myself.  I don't remember when that happen, but i forgot how capable i am.  I know that i was to tired most of the time to fight back.  I couldn't fight my thought or others thoughts about me anymore.  When you have someone always in your face about the things you have done wrong or they feel you are doing wrong.  This tears you apart.  Have someone talk to you about your weight when you are insecure about it.  Have someone say that you should have plastic surgery on your double chin.  Being told how to dress or how to act.  After awhile this takes a toll on you.  I will not allow someone else to take that much power again.

I don't trust people anymore.  I had always been one that trusted people maybe more then i should.  I guess i always looked at just the good in others.  This has affected me in many ways.  I have gotten myself in financial trouble trusting someone.  I have gotten my heartbroken not just once by the same person, but i would have to say twice.  I am moving on with my life, just with a whole new attitude.  So, here's to change and it being a good thing.

“We are more than we imagine ourselves to be.” — Veronica Chambers

Make sure you visualize what you really want, not what someone else wants for you. -Jerry Gillies

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein

Overmedicated

The thing about being over medicated it is hard to recognize the signs or symptoms.  You might assume that if you are overmedicated, you would feel the opposite of hypothyroid; you think taking too much medication will make you feel energetic, or that you'll lose weight, and feel great. So, when you start to feel even more exhausted than usual, or achy and almost flu-like, or you even start gaining weight despite feeling jittery and anxious, you may not suspect that you are actually overmedicated.

How Do You Become Overmedicated? There are a number of ways you can become overmedicated.

• The dosage of thyroid hormone replacement that your doctor prescribed may be too high for you. Sometimes, doctors overestimate the dosage you will require to return to normal status and resolve symptoms.
• You may get an incorrect batch of medication. Pay particular attention to symptoms that develop after a recent pharmacy refill. Your pharmacist may have made a mistake in your medicine dosage.
• If you are taking generic levothyroxine (which most doctors do not recommend), in your last refill, you may have gotten a more potent batch. Even the slight change of potency from one refill to the next, particularly from one manufacturer of generic levothyoxine to another, can be enough to push you into hyperthyroidism.
• You may have started taking an over-the-counter supplement that includes animal thyroid (pay particular attention to "thyroid support," energy support and diet aids that include ingredients like "thyroid glandulars" or "adrenal glandulars" or "bovine glandulars" -- as these can introduce extra thyroid hormone into your system and make you hyperthyroid.
• You may be taking over-the-counter supplements that contain iodine, bladderwrack (fucus vesiculosus), kelp, bugleweed, Irish moss or seaweed. Too much iodine can aggravate the thyroid in some people.
• You may have recently changed your diet, affecting your absorption of thyroid hormone medication. For example, if you were eating high-fiber, and cut back on the fiber, you may be absorbing higher levels of thyroid medication.
• You may have recently stopped supplementing with iron or calcium. Since both substances can interfere with thyroid hormone absorption in some people, stopping them may increase the amount of thyroid available for absorption.
• If you've just lost a substantial amount of weight, but haven't changed your thyroid dosage, you may be getting too much medication.
• If you've just had a baby, the increased need for thyroid hormone during pregnancy drops, and the amount of thyroid hormone replacement you needed during pregnancy can become too high for the post-partum period, causing hyperthyroidism.
• If you've just had a baby, post-partum thyroid fluctuations may cause your thyroid to overfunction periodically, so the thyroid's own hormone production, when added to your thyroid hormone replacement, is temporarily causing hyperthyroidism.
• If you have Hashimoto's Disease, you may be in a period of fluctuation where the thyroid is overfunctioning and the thyroid's own hormone production, when added to your thyroid hormone replacement, is temporarily causing hyperthyroidism. 

I'm reading this an wondering is that what has been going on for the last week.  I have had many of the symptoms.  I try not to over think these things or self diagnose.  It could be as simple as the last reason my thyroid is producing the hormone on it's own.  So, it can just be a temporary case of hyperthyroidism.  I was told this could happen and i have read many articles on this happening.  I will wait a week or two.  I will see if the symptoms start to subside.  If they don't i will go get my thyroid tested again.

Overmedicated checklist

______ Elevated pulse and blood pressure _____  Anxiety, nervous energy, tremors, feeling jittery _____  Shaking hands, tremors ______ Feeling irritable, overemotional, aggressive, easily startled, or erratic ______ Difficult concentrating, mind is always racing, can't shut off thoughts ______ Difficulty sleeping, insomnia ______ Fatigue, exhaustion ______ Perspiring, feeling overheated, especially when others are cold ______ Diarrhea or loose bowels ______ Heart palpitations, feeling like heart is skipping a beat, or racing ______ Depression ______ Weight loss with no change to diet/exercise, or sometimes, paradoxically, weight gain ______ Increase in food intake, with no weight gain ______ Craving and/or eating more carbohydrates (bread, rice, pasta, sweets, fruits, sugary foods, etc.) ______ Unusual hunger pangs ______ Excessive thirst ______ Loss of appetite ______ Diarrhea, or frequent bowel movements ______ Hair loss ______ Changes to menstrual period (lighter, less frequent) ______ Enlarged, sensitive or tender neck ______ Dizziness, breathlessness ______ Achy or weak muscles and joints ______ Eyes are enlarging or looking "bug-eyed" ______ Dry, gritty, irritated, red eyes ______ Headache in eye area, pain behind the eyes I remember someone once saying to me why fake that everything is ok.  Why would you have to pretend?  It's not about wanting to pretend or faking my way through.  It sometimes is the way one needs to do things to get through a day when the illness wants to take over.  It's the best choice.  I find if i do this it soon isn't pretending or faking anymore.  The good mood takes over.  It reminds me of a quote that Meryl Streep once made:  "Guard your good mood."  

The more you focus on the words that uplift you, the more you embody the ideas contained in those words~Oprah

“We are more than we imagine ourselves to be.” — Veronica Chambers

Make sure you visualize what you really want, not what someone else wants for you. -Jerry Gillies

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein

I like to end the entries with some quotes that have touched me and inspired me.  We all can thinking of a time when words have affected us.  Words are very powerful whether we want to believe it or not.  So, before you speak, if at all possible take a minute to decide how it will affect you or the person you are speaking to.  I have said things in angry, in heat of the moment, and when i was hurt.  I try to edit what i say or think about it before i react.  It is up to each one of us to decide for ourselves.  Cause we can inspire, bring down, or just make a difference.

It's just life

I have had a week that has been a struggle.  I haven't been feel really well all week.  I know these days are going to happen.  I still don't like it when it does.  I have been just pushing my way through.  I struggled with the idea that i can't handle things on my own like i use to.  For the first time in my life i have to admit that i need someone or others to help me.  This isn't easy for me to say or to admit. 

I have talked with my good friends and my therapist about some of the issues that i have been having this week.  The thyroid illness is causing the tiredness, the muscle aches, and the brain fog.  I still know that i have to talk about how this is making me feel and affecting me.  I struggled with being emotional yesterday for some reason.  That could also be the thyroid and it could just be life.

Life has not been kind lately.  I have lost my trust in others.  Which does make it more difficult to ask others for help or to maybe find a person i do trust.  I have only felt safe twice in my life and have only trusted one person fully.  I remember feeling safe when i was little and my father would take care of me.  The other person i felt safe with was also the only person i fully trusted.  My therapist asked me why it was that i felt that way with these people.  It was easy to answer.  I felt genuinely loved and i felt that i could talk about anything.  Both people are lost to me now.  This is probably the biggest obstacle that i'm working on. 

I have many things i need to get through this week.  I have planned many things for myself to get out and about.  I have looked into a trip, looked into some schools, and looked into a new car.  I will keep myself busy as well as take time to rest.  Life isn't easy, but it is worth it.  I deserve more and i will get more.  I will have that life i have dreamed of. 

“You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.” ― George Lorimer

Days that could be bad

I woke up this morning late for work.  I didn't sleep well and my whole body was hurting for some reason.  I had a little bit of vertigo and a little bit of brain fog.  I wasn't going to let it beat me so i got my butt up.  I went into work an hour late, but i kept telling myself not to let it win.  I made it through the day and i stayed in a good mood the whole time.  The power of positive thinking and just plain determination.  I can't allow and won't allow this to keep ruining my life.  Days that want to take over will have to just give up.

I had my ultrasound last night and i will get the test results in a few days.  This i'm sure is going to be a good thing. 

Well, i haven't talked about symptoms or things that trigger it in a while.  I was reading the other day a was amazed by the different things.  Diet is one thing if you consume quantities of any of the following foods:  brussel sprouts, rutabaga, turnips, radishes, cauliflower, cabbage, kale, soy products, horseradish, mustard, corn, broccoli, carrots, peaches, strawberries, peanuts, and spinach.  Clinical signs are as follows:  irregular heartbeat, coarse hair, dry skin, yellowish skin, pale lips, puffiness around eyes, and dull facial expressions.  I read the thing on dull facial expressions and it got me think.  I have people ask me if everything is ok quite often, 99% of the time everything is fine.  I wonder if at times i have that dull expression look.  That would explain a lot.  Aches and pains that one can have is stiffness in joints, hands, and feet.  It also said pain in the ball of the foot.  I have that quite often.  It might be the illness and the work that i do.

I find that the more i learn about this illness the better i get.  It helps knowing what to change in my life, my diet, and my attitude.  I never realized how much stress was affecting the illness and my life.  I was always worried about taking care of others first and get around to me when there's time.  I now make myself first priority.  I don't neglect the others in my life that need me.  I just have made them do more for themselves.  I say no a lot more and don't feel guilty.  I have set more boundaries.  Still working on a few things that i struggle with, but baby steps. 

I will end this with my life is my own and what i do with it is my choice.  I can be your best friend or your worst enemy that's your choice.  I won't allow an illness or others to take it from me.  The Teresa i once was is back and i believe even better.  It's been a fight and i have had many obstacles over the last couple of year.  I won't look back anymore just ahead. 

To know when to be generous and when firm―that is wisdom.

Elbert Hubbard

I believe this quote is the most fitting for this entry.

Thoughts that hit me in my sleep

As i was sleeping last night and of course dreaming.  I had several dreams that can freak you out a little and then the dreams that can change you.  I had a night full of dreams.  I can think of about 5.  Then i wake up to Shall we Dance the movie.  I have to say it did bring tears to my eyes.  I see how i have wanted my life and how it isn't what i was hoping for.  I do know now that i will do everything in my power to get most of those dreams.  I am a realist i can't have everything exactly the way i want it, but close is better then none.  Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

Dreams to me are a way for the heart to speak to you when you are the most vulnerable. 

I haven't remembered any of my dreams in a very long time.  Then i was thinking what could have brought this on.  Then i realize certain things and certain people make you more vulnerable.  Vulnerability is something that i have always been afraid of.  I have only allowed it a few times in my life and it didn't go well.  I also realized that i held back a lot too.  So, i say to myself was it the vulnerability that caused the issue or the parts i held back.  I would like to think that the were equally at fault.

I will add to my list that i have because of these dreams.  The reason is that i had these dreams a long time ago and i let them go cause of others.  I won't allow others to take away my dreams.  It takes as much energy to dream as it does to act on that dream.  The great debate now in my head is do i share them or keep them to myself.  Some dreams you have to share cause they can't be done without someone else.  So, i will decide when it's necessary to share.  I have to say the dream that i'm succeeding at is getting my illness under control.  This is the start of what is necessary to live the rest of my life as i want and deserve.

Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.~Neil Gaiman

One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.~James Earl Jones
 
I have to say these both touched me.  I don't hate love and i do have words that i can't utter.  This just says to me dreams and desires are something we can't give up on.  You give up on your dreams or your desires then you give up on yourself.  One should never give up on themselves cause at the end of the day you are all you have. 

I had no intentions of writing on here today, but when i woke i felt the need.  I do have the the need to say one thing that i have kept inside for far to long.  I will not apologize for my illness and i will educate others. 

Thanks to those that have stood beside me and have been my rock when i need one.  Sometimes just listening and encouraging me is all that was needed.  For this I LOVE YOU with all my heart. 

Research for today

I went Mary Shomon: Thyroid Patient Advocate, Author on facebook like i do everyday.  I go there to find out new information and read other peoples struggles with this disease.  I find that we all have similar problems and similar struggles.  Which shouldn't be surprising.

Today i found a lady that had the same issues that i have had.  I was told after my 3rd child i had postpartum thyroiditis.  Then years later it turned into Hashimoto Thyroiditis.  I glad to know that i'm not alone.  That someone else has been through this as i have.  It took her about 5 years from the beginning until the end.  I have went through this for 6 years and i feel like my struggle is coming to an end.  Life is good.

 Well, i feel like going off the subject of the illness.  I don't want this to be just about that.  These are the good things happening in my life and my families lives.  My daughter and her family are moving.  It will save them money and make their life easier.  Life is good for them and that eases my mind.  My sons are doing baseball again.  Winner has been practicing with his team and the international team.  The international team coaches are trying to recruit him.  He is thinking it over.  Stryker has shown great improvement in his academic struggles.  I just had a meeting with all his teachers and he has already tested out of a few subjects.  I so proud of him and the work he has put into it.  As for me i am feeling good and getting out with friends.  I have a week off coming up and i have plans to take a little trip.  During that week off i will be looking at new car too. 

I have a busy weekend ahead of me and next week is pretty full.  Then i get my week off.  I might be taking a break from this for a minute, so until we meet again.

Just another day

Well it's just another day.  I had a great day at work and watched Stryker at baseball practice.  I woke up running late, but made it to work on time.  I would let get to me before.  I just find it's just another day in the life i lead.  I realize now that i can't do anything, but except these things.  I am going to have a hard time getting up sometimes, i am going to be fatigued, i am going to feel unfocused at times, and i am going to get through it.  I had to make changes in my life and changes to my attitude about this illness. 


I was letting the illness run me and i worried more about others then i should have.  I needed to worry about me and mine.  I have always been a giver and i rarely would ask for help.  I find now that i need to ask for that help, i need to rest at times, i need to write lists, i need to say no, and i have excepted it.  I find sometimes it's not easy being that i don't have anyone around most of the time, but the boys.  They have stepped up and do a lot for me.  Other times i just make a call or just push my way through. 


I started journaling many years ago.  I have notebooks and journals from many times in my life.  The other day i realized that they were times that my life wasn't going quite so well.  Then i read this article the other day that said write 3 things your thankful for in your life everyday.  Then when you feel like things aren't going well go to the list to remind you.  So, starting from that day forward i write down 3 things i'm thankful for on that day or 3 things that was positive on that day.  Instead of journaling only when things are going wrong i journal now when things are going right too.  Life is a mixture of both. 

I read a quote today that touched me "Guard your good mood"~Meryl Streep.  I find that fitting cause i have been doing that.  I deserve a great life and i see it just ahead.  So, guess my just another day is more about how i will keep on track and what i'm doing to stay that way.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right. You'll be criticized anyway." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Famous People with Thyroid Conditions

Oprah: thyroid condition

Rod Stewart: Thyroid Nodules, required surgery

Kelly Osbourne: untreated thyroid

Kim Catrall: thyroid condition

The ex president and his wife: Grave's disease

Kim Alexis: hypothyroid

Joe Piscopo: thyroid cancer

Linda Ronstadt: underactive thyroid

Gail Devers: Grave's disease

Toni Childs: Grave's disease

Dan Synder: thyroid cancer

Jillian Michaels: thyroid problems

Mary Louise Parker: underactive thyroid

Catherine Bell: thyroid cancer

Tipper Gore: half thyroid removed

Sofia Vergara: thyroid condition

Roger Ebert: thyroid cancer


The thyroid community need more famous people to step up and get the word out there.  They need to let people know that it is a very common and misdiagnosed condition.  That it can affected your life in so many ways.  Toni Childs was a singer and she ended up giving it up for 10 years to take care of her Grave's disease.  It doesn't always get to that point, but it can get bad.

I myself remember having days that i had to pry myself out of bed.  Then i would have days that i couldn't sleep at all.  Then i next thing i know i'm waking up every hour.  I had days that i didn't even like me.  I would have try to stay away from people as much as possible.  I didn't like being that way.  I haven't really had a day like that for awhile.  I can snap myself out of it a lot quicker.  I remind myself that it doesn't have to be like this.  I do the things i need to do to keep getting better and staying that way.

I take my medicine every morning before i even get out of bed.  I make sure i don't eat for at least an hour after, so the medicine can get into my system the way it's suppose to.  I stay away from the foods that they say trigger it.  I stay active everyday and i keep positive thoughts.  I keep my stress as low as possible.  Got rid of many of my triggers and the ones that i can't have gone completely i keep to a minimum.  I'm taking time for myself and spending time with good friends.  My weight is under control.  I'm down to 140lbs. this is the weight i felt my best at.  I will do what is necessary to maintain.  I look and feel better.  I don't remember the last time i really felt this good.  I would have to make a guess i would have to say 13 years.  That's far to long to just get by and believe this is how it is suppose to be.  Here's to living life to the fullest.  My next thing step is to start crossing off more things on my bucket list. 

The more you focus on the words that uplift you, the more you embody the ideas contained in those words~Oprah

Things i realized this week

I realized many things this week.  Some of these things i already knew they were just reinforced.  People underestimate my abilities and i myself do it too.  I didn't understand the amount this disease has affected my life.  I use to love going out and having fun.  I was always joking around and enjoying life.  I let this go on for far to long.  Getting back out and getting back on track.  Life is to short to let this take over.

I have been reading more books and finding as much information i can online.  I have been talking to my doctor more and i have decided that i will find a new endo doctor.  I don't feel comfortable with mine so i'm going to find one that will listen and will answer questions.  One that will talk about it more and not just here you go see you in 6 months.

I found out that I need to go get my thyroid ultrasound again.  The nodules have got a little bigger and they have been causing some discomfort.  They might have to do surgery and remove them.  I guess i will just wait an see.

I realize that i did good with my kids to.  My daughter and her family are going to be moving.  She has already got things going and has done the planning.  Winner is getting into baseball again and he is getting better.  I take great pleasure watching him out there.  Stryker is playing baseball also and he has improved from last year.  The boys have always been so close and they still are.  I just see that they are starting to do things separate and they are growing.  I'm proud of my children and they make me smile.  When i have a day that i feel like this is going to win the day, i think about my kids.

Support of Friends and Family

The support of friends and family can 

make all the difference to thyroid patients.

Someone posted on my Facebook wall to ask an important question that in all my years of thyroid patient advocacy, I've never really tackled. The question is: "How do you explain to your family what you are going through?" It's difficult to fully explain what's going on with a chronic disease that is, in many ways, "invisible" to everyone but the sufferer. But perhaps this "Open Letter to Family and Friends of Thyroid Patients" can be a conversation-starter, or help in some way to help those who love us understand just a little bit better what it is like to have thyroid disease. 


Dear Friend/Family Member:
Someone you care about has thyroid disease. You may not know much about
thyroid problems, but I imagine, like many of us, you've heard things
here and there. If anything, you probably associate the thyroid with
weight problems, or think it's an excuse people use for being
overweight. Or, you may already know someone else who's taking thyroid
medication -- usually Synthroid -- and they seem to be doing fine, so
you assume thyroid disease will be similar for your friend/family
member.


There's so much more to thyroid disease, and while I can't cover it all
in this letter, I'm going to try, briefly, to give you a sense of what
your loved one is facing. So can I ask that you set aside for a few
moments the information you do have about thyroid disease, to open your
mind and heart?

The thyroid is our master gland of metabolism and energy. Every single
body function that requires oxygen and energy -- basically, everything
that goes on in our bodies! -- requires thyroid hormone in proper
amounts. That means we need the proper balance of thyroid hormone in
order to feel and live well. We need thyroid hormone to think clearly
and remember things, to maintain a good mood, to grow hair and nails,
to have basic energy to get through the day, to see well, to digest our
food, to burn calories, to be fertile, to get pregnant and have a
healthy baby, to have a good sex drive, and much, much more. In some
ways, you can think about thyroid hormone as the gasoline that makes
the car go. No gas, and there's no way to move forward.

Typically, a thyroid problem comes in one of several forms. Your loved
one may be hyperthyroid...that means that the thyroid gland is
overactive, and producing too much thyroid hormone. When the thyroid
becomes overactive, you can think of it a bit like the gas pedal on the
car is stuck, and the engine is flooding. If your loved one is going
through hyperthyroidism, he or she may be feeling extremely anxious and
nervous, with a rapidly beating heart, higher blood pressure, and even
palpitations. Some people describe the sensation as like their heart is
beating so hard and loud everyone around them can even see it and hear
it! They may be hungry and thirsty all the time, suffering from
diarrhea even, and losing weight. Others may even be wondering,
wrongly, if your loved one's rapid weight loss is due to an eating
disorder or some sort of illness like cancer or AIDS. His or her eyes
may be sore, sensitive, gritty and irritated, and vision can even
become blurry. Sleep may be difficult or impossible, and lack of sleep
combined with the body zooming along at 100 miles an hour can cause
extreme exhaustion and muscle weakness. Frankly, people who are in the
throes of hyperthyroidism have told me that they feel and look like
someone who is strung out on drugs, or who has had 20 cups of coffee
after not sleeping for a week. With heart pounding, and all body
systems going full tilt, your jittery, stressed-out hyperthyroid loved
one may even feel like he or she is losing it, ready to fall apart at
any moment.

If your loved one is hypothyroid, they are facing different challenges.
Hypothyroidism means the thyroid is underactive, and not producing
enough of the energy and oxygen-delivering thyroid hormone. This is
like trying to get somewhere with barely enough gas and feet that can't
reach the gas pedal. If your loved one is hypothyroid, he or she may be
feeling sluggish and tired, and exhausted all the time. Think about the
worst flu you've ever had, and how tired, and achy and exhausted you
felt. Now imagine waking up every day feeling like that, but having to
get up, go to work/school and take care of yourself and others feeling
that way. Depression -- or feeling blue -- is common, as are memory
problems and being fuzzy-brained -- we patients call it "brain fog."
Your loved one may look in a mirror and not recognize herself (and I
say herself here, because the vast majority of thyroid patients in
general are women -- thyroid problems do happen in men, but are seven
to ten times more common in women.) Because when she looks in the
mirror, she sees the outer half of her eyebrows are thin or missing,
her hair is thin, dry, coarse and falling out, her face and eyelids are
puffy, her face is bloated and puffy, and she may have gained weight,
despite eating less and working out more than everyone else around her.
With hypothyroidism, anything and everything can be slow, even
digestion, which can cause constipation. For women, periods can be
worse, and come more often than before. Menopause can be worse, and
come earlier than for other women. And after pregnancy, hypothyroidism
can worsen postpartum fatigue and depression, and make breastfeeding
difficult or impossible. And then there's that issue of weight gain.
Your loved one may be following the most rigorous and healthy diet and
exercise program, and yet be unable to lose weight. He or she might
even be gaining weight on that program.

 If your loved one has thyroid cancer, they have an entirely different
challenge. The majority of thyroid cancers are considered highly
treatable and survivable, so doctors and others often cavalierly refer
to thyroid cancer as "the good cancer." But the reality is, no cancer
is "good," and someone who has thyroid cancer has cancer, "the big C."
Cancer as a concept is frightening, and raises fears and concerns.
Someone with thyroid cancer typically does not have many symptoms to
start, but will usually require surgery to remove the thyroid -- and
this can be daunting, the of a several-inch incision in the neck. After
surgery, many thyroid cancer patients will need to have followup
radioactive iodine treatment to ensure that all the cancerous tissue
was removed, and it can be many weeks after surgery before a thyroid
cancer patient -- who by that point is typically hypothyroid -- can
start thyroid medication to again get lifesaving thyroid hormone they
need. And the thyroid cancer patient in your life will require lifetime
of treatment for hypothyroidism, along with periodic follow-ups and
scans to monitor for a recurrence of the cancer.

These are just a few of the conditions that can affect thyroid
patients. There are autoimmune diseases -- Graves' disease and
Hashimoto's -- that can be at the root of hyperthyroidism and
hypothyroidism. Sometimes people develop a goiter -- an enlarged
thyroid -- or benign nodules that cause symptoms. Sometimes a temporary
infection causes thyroiditis. And again, these problems can be
difficult to pinpoint, misdiagnosed as everything under the sign, and
even when diagnosed, poorly treated.
So what many thyroid patients have in common is living in a world that
overlooks, downplays, poorly treats -- and sometimes even makes fun of
-- their condition.

Magazine articles, books by doctors, patients brochures in doctors
offices -- and doctors themselves -- insist simplistically that thyroid
disease is "easy to diagnose, easy to treat" even though patients know
that this is far from the truth. As for "easy to diagnose," your loved
one may have even struggled to get diagnosed -- to get taken seriously
-- in the first place. Doctors regularly misdiagnose hyperthyroid
patients as having an eating or anxiety disorder, and hypothyroid
patients as having stress, depression, PMS, or menopause.

Worse yet are the truly unsympathetic physicians that we all too
frequently encounter in thyroid care. Like the marathon runner with
hypothyroidism who was in training, on a strict diet, and still gaining
weight and was told by her doctor that she had "fork in mouth disease."
Or the endocrinologists who tell patients, "Well, you should be GLAD,
you know, because you have the GOOD cancer!" Or the doctor who
diagnosed a woman with hyperthyroidism by clapping his hands together
loudly behind her head, chortled: "Oh, I can always tell you hypers,
because you practically jump off the examining table when I do that!"

There are advertisements and comedians who use "thyroid problem" as the
not-so-secret code to describe someone who is fat. And there's a whole
realm of scam artists out there trying to sell us cockamamie Thyro-this
and Thyro-that "cures" for thyroid disease that in many cases can make
things a whole lot worse -- or at best, not help at all.


Even Oprah admitted she had a thyroid problem, then claimed it went
away, then said she had it but it wasn't an excuse for her weight gain,
then decided not to get treatment, and continues to struggle with her
health issues.

And perhaps saddest of all, there are friends and relatives who say "I
don't buy this thyroid disease thing, it's just an excuse for not
losing weight" or "Thyroid? Hah! She's just lazy!" Or, "Why can't he
just get OVER it and get back to normal?" Husbands criticize their
wives for gaining weight. Teenagers whisper behind a friend's back
about anorexia.

Once we're diagnosed, treatment is not an easy fix for many thyroid
patients. Doctors try to rush hyperthyroid patients into permanently
disabling the thyroid with a radioactive treatment that will make them
hypothyroid for life. Many doctors believe there is only one medication
to treat hypothyroidism -- a medication that does not resolve symptoms
for all patients. When patients learn about other available options,
doctors may stonewall, refuse additional treatments, or push
antidepressants, cholesterol medications, weight loss pills and more,
instead of addressing the thyroid issues. The conventional medical
establishment believes that treatment for thyroid problems is
one-size-fits-all. This cavalier attitude means that many thyroid
patients struggle for years to live and feel well, despite being
diagnosed and "treated."

I'm here to ask you -- in a world where thyroid patients are
disregarded, overlooked, misdiagnosed, abused, exploited, mocked, and
ignored -- to be the person who truly "gets it" for the thyroid patient
in your life. Be the person who understands that while thyroid disease
may not be visible, it is causing your friend or loved one to suffer.
Be the person who understands that even though celebrities aren't
talking about thyroid disease, and sports figures aren't wearing
bracelets to promote thyroid awareness, that this is a genuine,
difficult, and life-changing diagnosis.

Be the person who opens mind and heart to the thyroid patients in your
life. Be the person who listens, and learns about the struggles and
challenges. Be the person who empowers the thyroid patient in your
life, by helping him or her do as much as possible to improve health.
Be the person to help find doctors and practitioners who do not view
your friend or relative as a cookie-cutter patient on a thyroid
assembly line. Be the person who helps the thyroid patient in your life
to maintain balance-- to help find time for rest, for exercise, for
stress reduction, for self-care, for proper nutrition, for fun!

Live well,
Mary Shomon
Thyroid Patient Advocate

I couldn't have explained it any better.  

thyroid checklist

by Mary J. Shomon
You can use this checklist to bring to your doctor to help aid in
getting a proper diagnosis of hypothyroidism, or as background
information in your discussions regarding finetuning your dosage so you
are at the optimal TSH level for your own level of wellness.

My risk factors for hypothyroidism include:

__X_ I have a family history of thyroid disease
__X_ I have had my thyroid "monitored" in the past to watch for changes
__X_ I had a previous diagnosis of goiters/nodules
__X_ I currently have a goiter
__X_ I was treated for hypothyroidism in the past
__X_ I had post-partum thyroiditis in the past
__X_ I had a temporary thyroiditis in the past
____ I have another autoimmune disease
____ I have had a baby in the past nine months
____ I have a history of miscarriage
____ I have had part/all of my thyroid removed due to cancer
____ I have had part/all of my thyroid removed due to nodules
____ I have had part/all of my thyroid removed due to Graves' Disease/hyperthyroidism
I have had radioactive iodine due to Graves' Disease/hyperthyroidism
____ I have had anti-thyroid drugs due to Graves' Disease/hyperthyroidism

I have the following symptoms of hypothyroidism, as detailed by the
Merck Manual, the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists,
and the Thyroid Foundation of America


__X__ I am gaining weight inappropriately
__X__ I'm unable to lose weight with diet/exercise
__X__ I am constipated, sometimes severely
__X__ I have hypothermia/low body temperature (I feel cold when others feel hot, I need extra sweaters, etc.)
__X__ I feel fatigued, exhausted
__X__ Feeling run down, sluggish, lethargic

__X__ My hair is coarse and dry, breaking, brittle, falling out

__X__ My skin is coarse, dry, scaly, and thick

__X__ I have a hoarse or gravely voice

__X__ I have puffiness and swelling around the eyes and face

__X__ I have pains, aches in joints, hands and feet

____ I have developed carpal-tunnel syndrome, or it's getting worse

____ I am having irregular menstrual cycles (longer, or heavier, or more frequent)

____ I am having trouble conceiving a baby

__X__ I feel depressed

__X__ I feel restless

__X__ My moods change easily

__X__ I have feelings of worthlessness

__X__ I have difficulty concentrating

__X__ I have more feelings of sadness

__X__ I seem to be losing interest in normal daily activities

__X_ I'm more forgetful lately


I also have the following additional symptoms, which have been reported more frequently in people with hypothyroidism:


__X__ My hair is falling out
__X__ I can't seem to remember things

____ I have no sex drive

____ I am getting more frequent infections, that last longer

__X__ I'm snoring more lately

__X__ I have/may have sleep apnea

__X__ I feel shortness of breath and tightness in the chest

____ I feel the need to yawn to get oxygen

____ My eyes feel gritty and dry

__X__ My eyes feel sensitive to light

__X__ My eyes get jumpy/tics in eyes, which makes me dizzy/vertigo and have headaches

__X__ I have strange feelings in neck or throat

____ I have tinnitus (ringing in ears)

____ I get recurrent sinus infections

__X__ I have vertigo

__X__ I feel some lightheadedness

____ I have severe menstrual cramps




I went over this list and found that i have 37-54 on this checklist.  Some have went away many have stayed.  I don't know if those that didn't understand what i was going through and am still going through. If this list helps you understand a little better.  I fight the negative parts of this everyday, i find that i'm starting to have more good days then bad days. I believe this is do in to a large part of me taking my illness into my own hands, understanding it better, and not just sitting back say they know what to do.  I'm looking for a new doctor, need one that understands and listens.  I also am having only positive people in my life, ones that care, but don't over push.  I am a willing person to listen to others advice and ideas, just not good when it is shoved in my face. 

Finding out things

     I found out a guy at work has hyperthyroid and has for 20 years.  He has been using a different thyroid medicine then me.  He has a book that he said he would let me look at.  I talked with him at length today and it was very enlightening.

     I find that i'm putting myself out there more and it has been very helpful in my struggles with my thyroid disease  and my life issues.  I spent to much time trying to fly under the radar.  One should put themselves out there you can learn a lot from other people.  Some of them may even surprise you.

     I found a bunch of articles to day on heart palpitations and thyroid disease.  I guess it is very common to have this and breast pain.  I have both and as we know i was at the hospital last weekend.  It says that stress will increase it and so will not getting enough sleep.  Find this interesting cause i have had this happening more in the last 4 months.

Boys and Baseball

     Well, i will be busy for the next few months with the boys and baseball.  Stryker starts practices tomorrow 6-8 and that will be every Monday and Tuesday.  Winner starts practices tomorrow 6-8 and that will be every Monday and Wednesday.  Games start May 3.  Stryker's will be on Thursday.  Winner's will be on Tuesday and Thursday.  They have been ready for weeks and been doing some practicing on their own. 

     Winner loves baseball, but has decided that this year he is going to give football a try.  I wasn't wanting him to play football, but someone talked him into it.  I guess we just wait and see how this turns out.

Explanation

     I know i don't owe anyone a explanation, but i woke up this morning at 4am with the need to say something.  I felt i wanted to do it here.  I removed several posts from here cause i felt i shared to much.  I have some struggles right now that have not been easy for me.  I have tried psyching myself into the i'm not going to let it affect me.  I have done the whole positive thinking and the if i say it hasn't affected me it will make it so, if said enough times.  I wouldn't allow myself to do that cause i felt i was being weak and i was giving the situation power over me.  In truth i was avoiding letting myself deal with the situation that has affected me deeply.  One should always go through the whole process of dealing with something or grieve it if need be.  http://helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

     With me not allowing the myself to deal with it i have hurt myself and my family.  I had made great strides to help myself with the thyroid disease and the depression that has accompanied it.  I tried concentrating on how to make changes with peoples views and lack of knowledge of how thyroid disease can affect ones life.  I did what a lot of people do replace the situation with something and it will go away on it's own.  Well, by doing that i ended up in the ER friday night.  I went with chest pains, throat closing up, and pain in my right arm.  I thought no big deal it's probably has something to do with my thyroid disease.  I had problems with this before.  I believed my thyroid level was off or i was dehydrated.  I would go in and it would be taken care of.  Boy was i off.  I first was told that it might have to do with the combination of thyroid medication and wellbutrin.  Then i was told that i was dehydrated and they put fluids in me.  The blood work came back saying i had a bladder infection and low potassium.  I thought ok antibiotics and potassium this is no big deal.  This whole time i've been hooked up to a ekg machine.  Next thing i know they give me 3 nitroglycerin pills and i'm feel better.  I guess not good enough for the doctor and what he saw on my test results.  I was put in ambulance and taken to a different hospital.  He had me admitted to the hospital and i had more test.  I was released and i'm home.  I know that i have to make some changes.  I know that things aren't going to happen over night.  So, no more denying that this situation has affected me.  I have started a list and will do what is necessary.  I need to get back to the person i need to be for me and my family.  I know that i can't do this on my own.  I'm going to let my friends and family help me.  If i have learned anything in the last 48 hours that i have great people in my life that do care about me.

     While i was in the hospital i learned that my friend Tim had just gotten out of heart surgery and he has a long recovery.  My prayers are with him and his family. 

     


    

More Research and information

These are just a few things that i have found:

Visible thyroid enlargement or nodular growths may be signs of Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Symptoms generally develop slowly over several years and include:

• fatigue
• intolerance to cold
• menstrual cycle changes, infertility
• unexplained weight gain
• dry, coarse skin and hair
• yellowish skin
• puffy face
• hoarse voice
• muscle aches or cramps
• joint stiffness
• constipation
• mental and memory impairment, decreased concentration
• depression

Pain is not usually a symptom of Hashimoto's thyroiditis, but some patients do experience prolonged pain and tenderness.

I look at this list and i find that I had every symptom on here.  I even have one that isn't on this list that i know is a symptom.  It has to do with your pituitary gland and your prolactin  level.  A high prolactin level is a sign that you might want your thyroid checked.

Diagnosis

The results of the patient's medical history are evaluated, and a physical examination, including palpation of the patient's neck to detect enlargement or nodular growths, are performed.

Foods to avoid

Avoiding eating the following raw foods: cabbage, mustard, spinach, cassava roots, peanuts, soybeans, and peaches. They may interfere with thyroid hormone production if not cooked.


This is a good place to go for information and support:  http://www.facebook.com/thyroidsupport  

Links and other stuff

     I started reading this book called Living well with Hypothyroidism, what your doctor doesn't tell you...that you need to know.  I have to say it's be very helpful.  It's written by Mary J. Shomon she has thyroid disease so she understands the struggles to find the information one needs.  I suggest you educate yourself, this will be the best thing you do for you.

     Here is some websites i've went to and have found helpful:
              www. thyroid-info.com
              www.thyroid.about.com
              www.dailystrength.org
              www.mdjunction.com

     Here are some books that i also have read or found that several people recommend:


     Overcoming Thyroid Disorders

     The Thyroid Solution: A Mind-Body Program for Beating Depression and    
     Regaining Your Emotional and Physical Health

     The Thyroid Diet: Manage Your Metabolism for Lasting Weight Loss

     Why do I still have thyroid symptoms?

     feeling fat, fuzzy, or frazzled?

     Depression & Your thyroid: What you need to know

     I have said how much things have changed for me the biggest is my ability to let things that i can't control not take over my life.  I slip sometimes, but i remind myself that it's ok.  The only failure is if i stay down.  My weight is the other big thing for me.  I felt so fat and unattractive for far to long.  At my heaviest i weighed 223 that was in January of 2008.  I worked on it and i lost 30 pounds.  That was all i was able to lose for about a year.  Then i started back on the thyroid medication in February of 2009.  I lost another 10 pounds and i couldn't seem to lose anymore.  I remember having comments made to me about my weight and my chin.  It's one thing when you have a problem with you, but when someone that means something to you makes a comment.  I have to say this affected me in many ways.  I found myself getting more and more depressed about my weight and me as a person.  I would have good days.  The bad days seemed to take over after awhile.  I saw that the thyroid medicine was helping with my fatigue, headaches, and vertigo.  So, in my head i believed that if i give it time it will take care of the depression, weight loss, and brain fog.  This is really were i was wrong.  I would see small steps towards these things and tell myself that i was right, time will take care of these things.  Then the holidays came along, i struggled with my weight more, i struggled with the people in my life, and i struggled with myself.  I would have days where i thought i was worthless and the people in my life seemed to want more of me.  It all hit hard between Christmas and New Years.  I called my doctor and discussed the things that was happening.  I was told let what a couple of weeks and maybe after the holidays it will work it's self out.  I did that it didn't work.  I called again then went in and said i need some antidepressants.  At this point i decided that i needed to educate myself more.  I was allowing others to dictate my life and my health.

     Well, with educating myself my life has improved.  I have lost almost all the weight i have wanted to.  I have more energy, like myself again, and numerous other things have changed for the good.  I'm down to 152 pounds and i want to be between 135 and 145 so i'm very close to my goal.  I have me back and i won't allow her to go away again.

     I believe in me and how things will only get better from here on out.  To those that have tried to sabotage my progress whether you was doing it on purpose or not.  I have to tell you that you didn't succeed and you have made me stronger.  Taking all the negative energy and turning it into nothing but positive. 




   

Energy has returned

     I remember when i had barely had any energy to get myself out of bed.  I took naps almost everyday and when i didn't i couldn't focus the next day.  I would get vertigo on many of those days that i didn't get any sleep and i remember not wanting to talk to anyone.  Everything seemed to be a chore.  Some of the simplest of task seemed to frustrate me.  I hated feeling that way and i thought i would never be normal again.

     For the last 3 months i have gotten my old self back and my energy back.  I don't want to sleep all the time and i have only taken maybe 2 naps in that whole time.  I don't feel like everything is a struggle and i enjoy talking to people again.  I find not hiding my illness and embracing it has been the best thing i could have ever done for myself.  I believe it has made my life and the life of those i love much easier.  I don't feel like a burden and they don't feel the need to take care of me.  I think that was the thing i worried about the most was becoming a burden to someone.

     I have embraced the energy i have and finished projects that i had put off.  My house has went from having so many projects going to just a few left to be done.  I wake up at 4am every morning without an alarm.  I like that i wake up feeling rested.  I hadn't felt that in about 2 years. So, here's to energy and life that has gotten better.  I look forward to how it will keep improving.  Improving is the only option I am willing to take.

    

Depression and Hypothyroidism

Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. ~Helen Keller

     I have done a lot of reading about depression and hypothyroidism.  Studies have shown that 15 percent of people with depression have undiagnosed hypothyroidism.

     The Thyroid Society estimates that 10 to 15 percent of of patients with a diagnosis of depression may have an underlying thyroid hormone deficiency.  In a survey of thyroid patients, 63 percent described depression as continuing problem, despite being treated by their physicians for the thyroid condition.


    According to the Thyroid Society for Education and Research, most patients with hypothyroidism have some degree of associated depression, ranging from mild to severe.  The estimate is that 40 percent of clinically hypothyroid patients have significant depression.


     Many doctors don't tell you can have continued various mental side effects from hypothyroidism like depression.  I myself wasn't told that this could be an issue by either my physician or my endocrinologist.  This as i mentioned earlier was an issue.  So, if you feel like you are losing your mind, get help don't wait.  No one knows you better then you do.  I became very negative, stressed-out, and worried a lot.  I had this at one other times in my life and i knew i needed counseling and antidepressants.  This happened right after i had my youngest son and i was put on Synthyroid and took Wellbutrin. This was when i was first diagnosed with hypothyroidism.  I waited longer then i should have cause i thought the Synthyroid would take care of it.  Going to counseling has helped me relax more and see the positive.  I also had my doctor prescribe me Wellbutrin.  It has also made me see the negative and toxic things that i had in my life.  I knew these things were toxic and need to go.  I just need to get better to make these things happen.  I got rid of a lot of toxic and my health has gotten better.  I have lost 40 more pounds after the 25 i had lost in the last 2 years.  I am at a good weight and i have so much more energy.  I see the old me coming back and i have even added some even better qualities.  I love so many things about me and my life.


     I have some tough things ahead of me and i know this.  I have known for awhile that my job is going to end in the next year or two.  Who knows for me it may be even sooner.  I have many options that i am exploring.  Do i pick up my kids and move to another state to follow my dream of culinary school.  Do i stay here and consider looking into buying a restaurant.  These are some things i have to consider.  I know whatever i decide i can handle it.  I am and always have been a strong women.  So, here's to making a 5 year plan or at the very least a 3 year plan.  


     My life is getting better.  I have some people that have been there for me during this and have been great support.  They didn't judge me and they gave me encouragement.  They let me know that i wasn't losing my mind and i was a good person, i was just someone that was going through a tough time.  They stuck by me and i will never forget them for it.  You know who your and i love you all for it.

getting started

     This is the first entry on my blog.  I have been doing a lot of research about my thyroid disease.  It's called Hashimoto Syndrome.  It's an autoimmune inflammation of the thyroid gland.  It can cause goiters and often causes hypothyroidism.  I do know that i have 3 goiters or nodules in neck and i do have hypothyroidism.  I started medication about 6 months after Stryker was born.  I took the medication for a year and then i started feeling better so i stopped.  I went for many years without it and shouldn't have.  I started taking it again about a year and a half ago.  I slowly started feeling better, but not as good as i wanted.  I haven't had my medication changed in about 8 months, cause it seems to be stable now.  This is a really good thing.  I'm on 100mg a day i started out under 50mg it was a slow process, but i'm feeling better everyday.
   
     I never realized quite how much the thyroid affects your body.  I gained like 75 pounds in about 6 months. My hair was falling out, tired it seemed like all the time, and i didn't enjoy life like i once did.  I would have good and bad days.  It just seemed like it was getting to be more bad days.  My life was falling apart and i didn't know how to fix it.  I would spend a lot of time withdrawing from friends and family.  I was like many other thyroid patients i thought that the depression and the feeling of worthlessness would go away when the thyroid medication was stable.  I was wrong the medicine was stable and i was still in a depression.  My turning point was Christmas, then New Years Eve.  These holidays use to be two of my favorite and i couldn't even enjoy them.  I had someone in my life that really loved me, my kids, and my family.  All i could focus on was how i didn't feel worth being loved and i was letting everyone down.  This isn't the easiest thing to admit and putting it out there is very scary.  On Christmas i called the suicide hot line, i don't believe that i would have done it.  I just know that i didn't want to talk to my best friend, my friends, or family about it.  I saw it as a sign of weakness and i never thought of myself as a weak person.  I didn't think anyone could possible understand.  I was the one a lot of people came to, i couldn't be weak.  I kept saying you can get through this and finally i realized i couldn't without help.  I made the phone call to my doctor and then to a therapist.  That was 3 months ago and my life has changed dramatically.

     The changes i have made have improved my life and my families life.  I'm not saying that i don't still have moments of crying for no reason.  I tell myself that it's ok, but don't let it last long.  You have so many things to be thankful for and happy about.  Some of the changes aren't what i wanted, but i can't change them so i except them.  I see things clearer now.  I know that i will not allow myself to get to that point ever again.  I will stay on the medication and i will not keep how i'm feeling to myself.

     I would just like to say to the people of a loved one with this disease or something similar be patient.  Don't push to hard cause that can sometimes send the person more down a dangerous path.  They will fight back and may even resent you for not understanding.  I know that i felt like i was being ganged up on and made to feel bad.  I was told that i wasn't concentrating, i was always grumpy, and that i was making to much out of it.  I remember doing something that i believed was special for someone i loved and i was in my opinion belittled for it.  It was a step i was trying to take to show that i loved them and i was trying. I say educate each other not fight each other.  The person with it needs to be open about it and the loved one needs to ask questions.  The person with it might not be forthcoming with information right away, but they will if you let them know you care.  Don't tell people that you think they are bi-polar.  It may seem that way to you and maybe even to the person with it. As hard as it is for you it's twice as hard for the person that has the disease, if not more.
   
     I have many websites that are helpful and i will post at another time.  I just was wanting to start my story.