getting started

     This is the first entry on my blog.  I have been doing a lot of research about my thyroid disease.  It's called Hashimoto Syndrome.  It's an autoimmune inflammation of the thyroid gland.  It can cause goiters and often causes hypothyroidism.  I do know that i have 3 goiters or nodules in neck and i do have hypothyroidism.  I started medication about 6 months after Stryker was born.  I took the medication for a year and then i started feeling better so i stopped.  I went for many years without it and shouldn't have.  I started taking it again about a year and a half ago.  I slowly started feeling better, but not as good as i wanted.  I haven't had my medication changed in about 8 months, cause it seems to be stable now.  This is a really good thing.  I'm on 100mg a day i started out under 50mg it was a slow process, but i'm feeling better everyday.
   
     I never realized quite how much the thyroid affects your body.  I gained like 75 pounds in about 6 months. My hair was falling out, tired it seemed like all the time, and i didn't enjoy life like i once did.  I would have good and bad days.  It just seemed like it was getting to be more bad days.  My life was falling apart and i didn't know how to fix it.  I would spend a lot of time withdrawing from friends and family.  I was like many other thyroid patients i thought that the depression and the feeling of worthlessness would go away when the thyroid medication was stable.  I was wrong the medicine was stable and i was still in a depression.  My turning point was Christmas, then New Years Eve.  These holidays use to be two of my favorite and i couldn't even enjoy them.  I had someone in my life that really loved me, my kids, and my family.  All i could focus on was how i didn't feel worth being loved and i was letting everyone down.  This isn't the easiest thing to admit and putting it out there is very scary.  On Christmas i called the suicide hot line, i don't believe that i would have done it.  I just know that i didn't want to talk to my best friend, my friends, or family about it.  I saw it as a sign of weakness and i never thought of myself as a weak person.  I didn't think anyone could possible understand.  I was the one a lot of people came to, i couldn't be weak.  I kept saying you can get through this and finally i realized i couldn't without help.  I made the phone call to my doctor and then to a therapist.  That was 3 months ago and my life has changed dramatically.

     The changes i have made have improved my life and my families life.  I'm not saying that i don't still have moments of crying for no reason.  I tell myself that it's ok, but don't let it last long.  You have so many things to be thankful for and happy about.  Some of the changes aren't what i wanted, but i can't change them so i except them.  I see things clearer now.  I know that i will not allow myself to get to that point ever again.  I will stay on the medication and i will not keep how i'm feeling to myself.

     I would just like to say to the people of a loved one with this disease or something similar be patient.  Don't push to hard cause that can sometimes send the person more down a dangerous path.  They will fight back and may even resent you for not understanding.  I know that i felt like i was being ganged up on and made to feel bad.  I was told that i wasn't concentrating, i was always grumpy, and that i was making to much out of it.  I remember doing something that i believed was special for someone i loved and i was in my opinion belittled for it.  It was a step i was trying to take to show that i loved them and i was trying. I say educate each other not fight each other.  The person with it needs to be open about it and the loved one needs to ask questions.  The person with it might not be forthcoming with information right away, but they will if you let them know you care.  Don't tell people that you think they are bi-polar.  It may seem that way to you and maybe even to the person with it. As hard as it is for you it's twice as hard for the person that has the disease, if not more.
   
     I have many websites that are helpful and i will post at another time.  I just was wanting to start my story.